There’s nothing more exasperating than knowing you’re capable of more, but somehow, ‘more’ stays tantalisingly out of reach.

You appreciate you’ve got the experience, the knowledge, and the ambition to go far, but you find yourself butting up against an invisible ceiling. You’re not exactly stuck (by most people’s standards you’re positively flying) but you can’t go as far as you’d like either. The worst of it is that you strongly suspect the invisible ceiling is inside your own head –which is frustrating as hell well you can’t break through it. (I know because I’ve been there!)

The good news is that it’s rarely about your skills, strategy or work ethic. I’d even hazard a bet that if you’re reading this, you’ve probably got those nailed. Because if you’re like most high achievers, the invisible ceiling has little to do with what you know. It’s about who you are and how you define ‘success’ in relation to your own values, beliefs, experiences and identity.

Be honest, have you given the ‘whys’ behind you version of success some serious thought? And if you have, when was the last time you worked through it?

The reason this is important it because most of us focus on what we want rather than why we want it. We kick off each new year with a list of resolutions, typically based around giving things up (junk food, scrolling, alcohol etc) or adding things in (exercise, your 5-a-day, reading etc). Goals are rooted around specific outcomes – such as income, achievement, appearance, status or even the possessions we want.

You think you’re starting with the end in mind and tracking backwards. You want X so you need to do A. B and C to achieve it. You create a plan of action with specific milestones and timelines. It all makes sound, logical sense.

But you’re bypassing the most important part – the part your brain needs. Because your end goal is never the ‘thing’ you want or the outcome you’re striving to achieve. It’s the feelings you hope you’ll enjoy from achieving it.  

Think about it…

• Have you ever ticked goals off your list and still felt like you haven’t done enough? 
• Have you achieved something major only to feel a hollow sense of anti-climax?
• Have you procrastinated, hesitated or self-sabotaged – even though you have everything you need and a crystal clear plan of action?

If you’re nodding along, then your unconscious mind has been sending you strong signals that your version of ‘success’ may be out-of-whack with who you are (or who you want to be, deep down). The impact of that mismatch quickly ricochets around your life, quietly draining your capacity to find your Expert Edge. 

So the million dollar question is, what do you do about it?

You start by questioning your definition of success.

I’m going to be frank, you have probably inherited your definition of what ‘success’ looks like – most of us have. It’s deeply tied to out sense of self- worth and our confidence. (I’ll save that for another blog.)

Typically, your definition of success comes from parents, family and the cultural norms that shape who you and how you see the world. You know the script: 

learn more, earn more, achieve more, own more,

The trouble is, the definitions you’ve formed over your lifetime might sit at odds with who you are right now. It’s common to want to climb to the top of the corporate ladder, for example, but then find yourself craving time over money when you have kids. You might follow the career path everyone expects of you, only to discover it brings you no joy. You might lay down roots by purchasing a home, but it can’t satiate your yearning to travel.

What matters way more than achieving something is whether the goal was truly aligned to you in the first place. When your definition of ‘success’ is rooted in your values and your current identity, your subconscious jumps on board – it works away in the background to make things happen. When there’s harmony, your feelings, thoughts and actions flow. There’s less resistance. Conversely, when your definition of success sits at odds with those facets of you, your brain will push back against them without you even realising.

Let me illustrate…

• Imagine you are raised to think that financial abundance is the epitome of success. Can you see how it might steer you towards goals that generate wealth but might fall short on personal satisfaction?
• Perhaps you’ve been led to believe that financial abundance is rooted in greed. That ‘rich’ people are selfish and that money is dirty. Is it then surprising that you struggle to hit your financial targets in your business?
• If you’ve been conditioned to believe that marriage and kids are the ultimate sign of a successful life, can you see why you may settle for a partner who you know isn’t right for you? Or even linger longer in an unhealthy marriage?
• When you’ve been taught to equate body image with success, you may focus on your weight and hold back on the goals that boost your visibility in the meantime.

This is because your brain constantly reinforces you self-perception by guiding you towards the actions that match how you see yourself and what you value. So if you’ve been chasing a version of ‘success’ that doesn’t feel right deep down, it’s not a motivation problem. Nor is it a knowledge problem. 

It’s an alignment problem.

That’s why redefining success is one of the first steps in thinking, working and leading like an expert. If your definition feels right, you’ll have more motivation, determination and the resilience to make things happen. But if what you really want clashes with you’ve been conditioned to want, your mind will slam on the brakes, meaning an urgent system upgrade is required.

So how do you redefine your version of success?

You start by asking yourself these questions.

1. What do you want to feel more of in your life and business? 

Focus on the feelings and emotions you crave over of material possessions, income or experience – that comes much later and is far less important.

This is NOT about avoiding what you don’t want. If you find yourself thinking about what you want to avoid over what you’re drawn towards, stop. Refocus on the positive to establish what feelings motivates you the most. Excitement? Peace? Stability? Something else entirely? 

This is important as this is what success really means for you. 

2. How could you achieve these feelings?

Once you’ve ascertained what success would feel like for you, work backwards. What could you do to experience those feelings?  

Remember, there are many different ways of fulfilling your version of success. For example, you might have established that for you, ‘success’ means feeling like a competent and trusted expert in your field and the best way to achieve this is to complete a PHD. But perhaps writing a book, teaching a course or becoming a public speaker could deliver those same feelings of expertise? When you focus on the feelings, you open your mind to the myriad of different possibilities.

3. Identify why you want this? 

Now it’s time to sense check your goals versus your chosen definition of success, because this is the point where it’s easy to slip back into old conditioning. 

For example, if your version of success is feeling calm, in control and financially abundant, you may aim to double the revenue in your business next year. Now stop to work out what that means for you and why it matters. What exactly would you do with the extra money? How would you invest it? What would you need to do more of to make it? And importantly, would that goal move you towards financial security, but away from the calm and peace that you crave?  If so, what do you need to adjust to find the feelings-sweet spot?

Remember, the name of the game is alignment. When you create your version of success, it’s important that your goals and actions don’t pull you in opposing directions. If they do, it’s essential you adjust them.

4. Who do you need to be?

How does all of this relate to who you are now, and who you want to be? Your version of success is closely tied to your identity in the here and now, but chances are, you’ll have to think, feel and do things differently to create the feelings and outcomes you want. 

Identify the mindset, habits and behaviours you need to achieve your definition of success. What do you have already that you can draw upon and what do you need to work on right now?

In short, defining success on your terms is crucial for confidence, growth and deep fulfilment. Without it, success can feel shallow and that can hit your confidence hard as you’re always chasing the end of the rainbow but never finding the gold.

By understanding what you want, why you want it, and how to achieve it, you can set meaningful goals that motivate you. You can create strategies that lead you straight to your own version of joy, freedom – and abundance (whatever that means for you).

And who doesn’t want more of that?

If you’d like to map out your expert definition of success, with my help, grad a complimentary call here and we’ll make it happen. Two brains are better than one, right?!

Nicole x