Here’s a pattern I’ve seen more times than I’ve had hot dinners.
Someone brilliantly capable gets a much-deserved promotion.
They’re great at what they do. They’ve got the know-how, they’re reliable, people trust them. Most of the time, they’ve been over-delivering for years, so everyone – including them – assumes they’re ready to take the leap.
They jump into their new role full of ideas and bursting with enthusiasm, but something starts to shift. The doubt creeps in and they feel bogged down by their responsibilities – particularly the burden of managing the expectations, frustrations and growth of a bunch of other people.
On the face of it, little has changed. They still have the same knowledge, capabilities and skill set they had before. They’re still exactly the same person. The problem lies in our attitude to leadership. We tend to underestimate the complexity of motivating, managing and developing others, which leaves people woefully underprepared for the realities of stepping up.
I’ll bet you’ve seen this in your own career. You may have even experienced it firsthand. I know that in all my years of corporate management, I was not once offered leadership training in spite of working for some highly respected ‘people-focused’ organisations.
My experience unfortunately wasn’t unique. Data from the CMI shows that more than two-thirds of managers have never received any formal leadership or management training (Chartered Management Institute, 2023). It’s no surprise therefore that only one in four managers feel equipped to lead people effectively. (Gartner 2023).
In short, we’re letting our talented experts down – as well as the employees we’re paying them to support.
We’re expecting people to learn on the job, often under pressure, with real humans, real careers and real consequences at stake. It’s like hoping someone will absorb the capacity to drive when you strap them behind the wheel and wave them onto the road without any tuition. Unless there’s a threat of physical harm, new leaders are generally left to fend for themselves often with little more training than a token nod of support in the form of the odd review or mentoring session.
But everyone pays the price for poor leadership. When skills are underdeveloped, and confidence is low, the cost is felt all round.
The big leadership myth
The ‘peopling’ aspects of expert leadership are still referred to as ‘soft skills’ – as if connecting, understanding and inspiring others is a warm, fluffy bonus instead of a critical business need.
Part of the problem is the widely held perception that the crux of great leadership is rooted in the ‘hard stuff’ – the higher-level thinking and doing.
But really, great leadership is about enabling others to do well without you.
The goal should be to create a team of people who can think independently and work autonomously, but share a strong sense of purpose, unified goals and a positive, collaborative energy. After all, the further up the ladder you climb, the less capacity you have for direct implementation and the more you must trust others to do the groundwork for you.
That’s a completely different, often alien skill set.
When I’m coaching new, or improving leaders, I see the same patterns reoccurring. These talented people are often operating at extremes – unable to find a healthy, effective balance. They’ll either step in with the answers too quickly, or step so far back they leave their teams exposed. They fix things themselves and micromanage, or rely so heavily on others that they struggle to make independent decisions. They push people too hard, or fail to motivate them at all. Or they absorb every problem, feeling and frustration, or leave their teams feeling unsupported.
This is when the Peter Principle plays out the strongest. If you haven’t heard of this management theory, it suggests that workers usually rise to the level of their own incompetence.
The Peter Principle highlights that managers are often promoted based on the evidence of their past performance, rather than their alignment with the skills needed to excel in a role with greater responsibility. In practice, this means that many managers reach a level where the abilities that made them successful can’t keep pace with the evolving demands of leadership.
All too often, those demands point to a lack of training in the ‘peopling’ aspects of their job.
McKinsey’s 2023 leadership research backs this up. It shows that the biggest performance gaps in leaders today don’t tend to be strategic or technical. They’re human: emotional regulation, decision-making under pressure, developing and mentoring others, and managing effectively especially under pressure.
The business cost of ineffective leaders
Poor leadership doesn’t just feel uncomfortable for those directly impacted by it. It shows up everywhere.
In fact, ineffective leadership remains one of the strongest predictors of employee disengagement, burnout and churn.
I’m sure we’ve all been at the mercy of a bad leader or two. I have vivid memories of one of my first bosses, who had spectacular fits of rage in the open-plan office, screaming in the face of whomever met his disapproval that day. Another boss was warm and friendly, but found it almost impossible to deliver coherent instructions, leading to hours wasted each week just trying to decipher what was required. Needless to say, neither approach created an effective, committed team.
Gallup’s data backs this: managers account for around 70% of the variance in team engagement, with disengagement costing the global economy trillions – yes trillions – in lost productivity each year.
When we fail to tool people up with the skills they need to deliver, we also fail ourselves and our businesses in the process.
The ‘mentor’ misonomer
As a neuro-coach and performance expert, I’m still regularly staggered by the number of untrained ‘mentors’ and the negative impact of poor mentorship. (I’m regularly hired to counteract the effects.)
I don’t doubt for a moment the positive intentions of most business mentors. It’s flattering to be asked to share your expertise, and many experts gain a deep sense of satisfaction from doing it. But a concerning number have never been taught how to mentor effectively.
Mentoring can quickly become advice and anecdote-heavy, rooted in the experience of the mentor rather than the needs of the mentee. Mentors will often listen just enough to respond, and leave thinking they’ve done a great job when they’ve offered a few solutions. But research into effective mentoring shows that when leaders zone in on their own experience – rather than attuning to their mentee’s emotional and cognitive states – their mentee’s confidence actually drops (Eby et al., 2023).
In short, mentorship can easily do more harm than good.
Much of this stems from the fact that few of us know how to really listen and communicate effectively.
The ‘listening problem’ leaders don’t want to admit
This is where the challenge really starts to bite, because the vast majority of leaders and mentors feel obliged to talk and direct far more than they listen.
It’s not because they’re arrogant, or because they lack care – far from it.
It’s because we’re taught to equate leadership with having the answers, projecting confidence and visibly steering the ship.
Two of the aspects of my work I enjoy immensely are teaching leaders to improve their knowledge of body language, and to ‘empathetically listen’ – i.e. opening their ears, eyes and minds to what others are saying by going far deeper than just their words. Both body language and empathic listening are sometimes framed as intuitive abilities, but they’re coherent, trainable skills that require you to simultaneously sharpen a multitude of qualities. These include emotional regulation, observation, curiosity, cognitive restraint, attention control, patience and tolerance.
It’s high-load cognitive work that few people have been trained to do well – and believe me, it shows.
I see leaders explain, justify, reason, problem-solve and regularly think aloud. I observe the subtle signs that they’re hatching their responses long before the other person has finished. I watch as they miss the vital signs and opportunities to understand what the other person really thinks, feels and wants to say.
I appreciate why the vast majority of employees do not feel truly heard, or understood, at work.
Data shows that fewer than one in three strongly agree that their opinions are either heard or counted at work. (Gallup 2023.) Furthermore, a lack of perceived listening and understanding from leaders drives disengagement and employee attrition – particularly among high performers. (McKinsey 2024.)
Talented people don’t just disengage or leave their jobs because they weren’t managed properly. They leave because they didn’t feel seen, understood or taken seriously by the people who should have been the first to listen.
This is why we’re terrible at building confidence in others
This lack of ability feeds straight into confidence. It’s almost impossible to improve someone else’s mindset if you can’t understand what’s happening in their mind.
Most leaders rely on outdated tropes about confidence that are consistently dispelled by neuroscience.
- “Fake it until you make it!” (This breeds impostor syndrome)
- “Don’t worry, I believe in you!” (It intensifies pressure if they don’t believe in themselves)
- ”You’ve got to push yourself outside of your comfort zone!” (No, brains craves safety, you’ve got to gently build confidence or risk increasing fear.)
When leaders don’t understand this or build it into their approach – they can unintentionally decrease confidence and create threat-based environments that restrict growth and engagement. (Goleman & Boyatzis; McKinsey.)
This shuts down learning. It kills initiative. It erodes performance. And it leaves people scratching their heads when talented people stall.
Final thoughts and predictions
– If people skills were ‘soft skills’, there wouldn’t be such hard consequences when they’re executed badly.
– If leadership were intuitive and experience-based, we wouldn’t see so many capable people struggling in silence or succumbing to the Peter Principle.
– In a world of AI and automation, the human touch is becoming more valuable, prized and profound than ever before.
Leadership is infinitely demanding. It’s human and it’s high-stakes. If you’re putting your business growth in the hands of your most trusted talent, you damn well need to tool them up for the task.
Because the leaders who thrive in this noisy world won’t be the ones who shout the loudest. They’ll be the ones with the greatest capacity to listen, influence and understand. That’s how they’ll get the best out of others – and themselves.
Next Steps
I’ve seen the impact of ineffective leadership from every perspective. I created a remedy to power leaders up with the skills they need to become experts at supporting, understanding and developing the talent in others.
‘The Leap’ – is my Certified Mindset and Confidence Mentor training.
It develops the mental, emotional and behavioural capacity to lead with courage, conviction and empathy. Importantly, it also develops the mindset and confidence of the leaders themselves, so everyone benefits.
(It’s even CPD-accredited because this work is professionally rewarding, stringent and grounded in the latest neuro, behavioural and communication science.)
If you’d like to learn more, click here or book a call to learn more.
References
Chartered Management Institute (2023). Better Managers for a Better World.
Gallup (2023). State of the Global Workplace.
Gallup (2024). Global Leadership and Engagement Trends.
McKinsey & Company (2023). The State of Leadership.
Gartner (2023). Leadership Development Benchmarks.
Eby, L. T., et al. (2023). Mentoring outcomes meta-analysis. Journal of Vocational Behavior.
Goleman, D., & Boyatzis, R. (2022). Emotional intelligence and leadership effectiveness. Harvard Business Review.
